Even now I have to marvel at all of it. I am walking in a gorgeous area of town, where many homes sit directly on the Chattahoochee River. Other walkers and runners pass me smiling. Who wouldn’t? It’s a beautiful day-it’s October and the high is predicted to be perhaps 76 degrees and a comforting breeze blows. A slight wisp of clouds float overhead and tinge the bright blue. In short, a perfect day for a walk. A mockingbird sings its heart out in a bush nearby, and two fawns pause just so slightly to look at me, white tails held aloft. They’re questioning, “is she harmful?” They decide I am NOT, but just to be sure, they flit away, the white tails like flags of surrender.
I’m reminded of the Psalm: I lift up mine eyes unto the hills From whence cometh my help? My help cometh from Hashem. Almost 10 months ago I was in a difficult spot and I had no idea what I was going to do. Now it is October 2015, and I have been blessed with not one but two sets of friends who allow me to live in their home, allow me to take dinner with them, and allow me the use of their transportation and their homes when they are traveling. I would have never for seen all of this. In addition they have helped me get art commissions, paid me for small things to help me get along…and just in general got me to the point of survival where I am now. I continue to work and interview, and I have not lost hope that I am destined for something special. A friend of mine wrote me today, and he urged me to determine what Christ’s purpose for me is here and now. It also noted that if it was not what Christ intended, it would be full of failure and frustration. I have to ask myself if I am indeed doing what he wants. I know I have an obligation to my parents, but how far that obligation goes and how much it takes me away from the talents he has given me already is a matter of question.
Is not the ultimate purpose of our existence to serve God? If so, then the question is how to serve. Yesterday I read a quote that said you are not given another day because you needed it but because someone needed you in it. I know this is true, of so many people. I think the hardest test is to discern everyday to whom we should speak and why. Right now I must admit, I’m just so very grateful for what I’ve been given so far, and I hereby ask forgiveness for any time that I have grumbled, complained or otherwise sounded ungrateful. I know this is a mortal sin. And I can only marvel at how great God is. He is so good he continues to forgive me for it every single day, even before I’ve done it. Our God is great. Things may not always go as we would want, but one thing is for sure: He and He alone is in charge. May you have that blessed assurance today and everyday. Thank you Jesus.